Why Did I get Married?

When counseling pre-marital & marital couples, one of the first questions we ask them is, “Why do you want to get married? Or “Why did you get married?” The responses of both groups are always in the same neighborhood of: “We love each other, ” “We are best friends,” or “I can’t see myself without him or her!” These statements sound good and most of them are biblically supported. One of the primary reasons for marriage is that it provides fellowship, companionship, mutual help and comfort (Gen. 2:18, Eccl. 4:9-12). However, is there more to a marriage than just meeting your own needs and the needs of your spouse? What happens in marriage when you feel your needs is no longer being met? Even when all your needs are being met, does God desire more from you and your spouse?

Sometimes, even in the best of marriages, there is a God-sized hole in the middle of the relationship that may not be able to be articulated by either spouse. We believe that this void is God’s desire for more out of the marriage and it can only be filled by answering the question: “What is God’s purpose for your marriage?” The failure to address this question in your marriage will oftentimes lead to frustration, confusion, and “intense moments of fellowship,” i.e. arguments about the state of your union. We have discovered, during our 22 years of marriage that “our” marriage is not really “our” marriage; that in fact it belongs first to God for He created it (Gen. 2:20-22), it belongs to the husband and wife (Gen. 2:23-24), and it belongs to those whom we have been called to serve as a married couple. Perhaps, In God’s eyes, marriage for our enjoyment is the least important of these three. Yet, this is always at the top of the list as the answer to the question “Why did I get married?” Several years into our marriage, we discovered that the benefits of marriage- body on cold nights – were not the glue that would hold our marriage together though these are wonderful benefits to be married. What has helped us and we hope it will help you is this: Knowing God’s purpose for your marriage will align your will with God’s will for your marriage. And, Knowing God’s purpose for your marriage will encourage you and your spouse to stay together and work through issues during the inevitable challenges and difficulties of marriage.

By Tracy & Derrick Barbee

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